Me: do you think if shrimp die they resPRAWN somewhere else–

Friend, immediately: shut up

hey gang im ordering 14 dollars worth of soda and nothing else from my local dominos

vivivictoria:

im thorsty

He better not fucking have

subcorax:

hey so do you ever hear someone say a particular phrase that makes you realize people have lives and priorities so impossibly contrary to your own that you’ll literally never wholly understand another human being’s worldview in your entire lifetime

“top secret target toffee temperatures,” by the way

isabellaphant:

tophatfloof:

rosalui:

karnsway:

memecucker:

do people actually read books while in the bathtub

how do you not get everything wet

why is this making me laugh so fucking hard

THANK YOU FOR ADDING A VISUAL OMG

tastefullyoffensive:

(via _SailorKhandi_)

morningmice:

ghostclvb:

the delivery of this joke makes it 50 times better like you have to actually hear it it will kill you

@ehhhchimatsu

What is your greatest fear?

dennys:

our own tumblr…

sweet-bitsy:

v4rd:

please watch this it’s 6 seconds long

If I am ever upset send me this video. It is scientifically proven that this video will cheer me up no matter what. I have been sobbing in the middle of the night and I STILL LAUGHED when I saw this video. This video is everything I hope to be in life.

(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)